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I'm alive

Hey y'all!

I'm still alive and kicking. Almost finished with my first semester full-time, so it's down to finals.

If you want to see what I'm up to, check out my Fet.



Goodbye, Stella

Yesterday Orange and I had the boi/ys over to the house so naturally I wasn't taking phone calls. Around 5pm I noticed a voicemail alert. "Stella's in ICU. [Details redacted to protect her privacy] If you want to say goodbye, you need to get here today." That message was left at 2:45. I tried to get ahold of her daughter to let her know that I was on my way. About 10 minutes into the drive, I finally got ahold of her. Stella went at 4:25. If I had picked up the phone when the message was left, I still wouldn't have made it.

When Orange and I started making a guest list for our wedding, Stella was the one 'nilla that I really wanted to come (other than our families). She's been my friend for over eight years. Our eclectic tastes meshed is so many ways, and she knew and supported my lifestyle activities. One year she threw a Halloween party at her house and let me tie my little girl up in her living room because she wanted to see what it was that I did. We would laugh and cry together...more often than not we'd end up laughing over what started us crying.

Thanksgiving day I made a trip to the hospital so that she could hear "Alice's Restaurant" because that's what you listen to on Thanksgiving. As I left, I leaned in and told her that she couldn't be too sick because she had to make it to my wedding in May. She said "damned right." I'm sad that she's gone, but at least she's not enduring what I've seen so many people go through. She left this world surrounded by friends and family, knowing that she was loved. 

Goodbye, Stella. By now I'm sure you've hunted down a smoke and a bourbon, yelled at Robert Heinlein and Robert Jordan, and started the first Afterlife Dart League. I will miss you. My life is better because I knew you, loved you, and we called each other friends.

Heading home in the morning

It's been a weekend like no other.

So many firsts. Unfounded fears dispelled. Connections made. People who will become old friends.

I'll describe the trip more fully when I'm home, and it will be good.

Lyrics that touch me...

Another Day

I live this moment as my last
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today

SELF 2009 - An Event to Remember

This year Zita and I went to SouthEast LeatherFest for the second time. We were busy the entire weekend. Through the encouragement of my friends and family, I was competing for Mr. SELF 2009.

We stayed with Zita's boi Andy and Margaret. Not only did I compete, Margaret ran for SEBootblack. Even though we had a handicapped room so Margaret could move around in the wheelchair, it was still crowded. Normal luggage, gear bags, and auction baskets for two contestants... I think we really needed an annex. We arrived much later Thursday night than we intended and barely got any sleep, but we had to hit the ground rolling on Friday morning. Notice I said "we." I entered the competition, but it was definitely a group effort. Zita and Andy put so much time and effort into this contest. And, just for the record, it wasn't just one contest, it was two. I came in first runner-up for NCLC, a feeder contest for SELF. I had very good feedback from the judges so we decided to take that work and support SELF.

Carnival was Friday night. It was a fundraiser including the auction baskets. I got to meet some of the judges, but not all. Oops. This is what happens when I get hyper-focused. I had a great time mingling with attendees and we raised $2000 for the contestant travel fund. Lady Catherine was distracted when she tested a very wicked implement on my little girl. Somehow she ended up buying that basket. I can't blame her, though. I know that I'm distracted when I see her welt-up...WEG!

Saturday was interviews with the judges. That's what it was, a job interview. Later that evening during the contest, it was an interview with an audience. Once we got going, everything flowed. The nerves stopped and I took the basic advice that everyone had given me: be yourself. "Take what you do seriously, but don't take yourself too seriously." I threw straight-lines up for the emcee to hit out of the park. The introduction, pop question, and speech went really well. The fantasy, on the other hand, was out of this world. Even if nobody had seen it, it was fun to do. We incorporated objectification, retro-service, and bootblacking; does it get any better? I had a blast, those helping me enjoyed it (thank you everyone!), and we got great feedback from the audience.

The only downside was that I wasn't in the audience enjoying the other contestants' parts. We got to see some of the fantasy run-throughs, and what we saw we enjoyed. I do wish we had been able to see and hear more. We snuck out behind the curtain to listen to Bettie's and Andy's step-down speeches. We got to see the community awards, and then we huddled behind the curtain to await the results. Zita and I both were teary-eyed as we watched Andy pass her title on to Margaret. Ms Jan ran well, but Miss Rae took Ms. SouthEast LeatherFest. I've known Ms Jan for a long time, dating to my pre-kink years. How time flies. Congratulations to Miss Rae! We had a great time getting to know you and I'm proud that you and Margaret are my title-siblings.

Yes, I did get the title. It was surreal. Mr. SouthEast Leather 2009. I had a very long talk with someone I respect after the social that night. He discussed that it's rite of passage in our community. I came here from the bedroom-bondage side of things. I was asked this weekend if I considered myself a Leatherman. I don't know if I would call myself a Leatherman, but I see this as a part of my journey, acceptance into the tribe. Sunday night, Zita got a tattoo to commemorate her graduation from nursing school (4th in her class, thank you very much). I got my first tattoo to commemorate SELF weekend.

So, for all the people who helped me along my path, I am truly thankful. I can't describe how much of this experience I owe to the support and love of my partner Zita. Thank you, beloved. My little one (someone else...lol) couldn't be with us for the contest, but I'm so thankful for your love and the work you did as well. To Andy and Margaret, thank you for everything you did for us. I'd also like to thank Lady Catherine and nic for their encouragement and support. I wouldn't have had the courage to run the second time this year without it. Elcca, Beth, Kim, and Bettie, your help was greatly appreciated. I'm sure we'll all be seeing much more of each other over the coming years.

Now, onto the work. It's going to be a busy year. Zita's going into her first year of nursing so our schedules will be hectic. It's all part of the journey, one that I'm looking forward to with eyes wide open. "Everyone holds a piece of the truth," and I hope over the next year the people I meet will share those pieces with me. Growth comes with learning, and I want to keep growing and learning.


Some of you may know that I competed in the North Carolina Leather Contest last month and placed first runner-up. Blue will be a great title-holder and the highlight of the weekend was getting to know him.

There was excellent feedback from the judges and encouragement from people whom I respect highly. Their input and the encouragement of my family has led me to register to compete for Mr. SouthEast Leather at SELF. I had a great experience in NC and hope to have the same in Atlanta.

Here is the fun part. Contestants build auction baskets to raise money for the travel fund for the title-holders, so now I'm working on building these baskets. I am asking everyone to help by donating items to help support SELF and the title-holders. In exchange for these donations, your business cards or other promotional materials will be included in the baskets.

We've decided to build three themed baskets instead of one large basket.
  • Bondage basket:: items related to bondage, especially rope (go figure!!!).
  • Medical play basket: bloodsport items, sharps, all kinds of fun stuff
  • Domestic service: it's not glorious, but putting together a fantasy domestic service basket
Please contact me offline at nefariousinnc (at) gmail (dot) com  or at fetlife (nefariousinnc).

Thank you all in advance for your generosity and well-wishes.

Almost done...

There are a lot of folks who've wanted to go out and hang with Zita and me and the common response is, "in a couple of months when she finishes school." This lovely Sunday afternoon means that she's almost there.

She got up and went to her last day of Senior Partnership, the days she works the floor with another RN. She has an assignment to turn in on Wednesday and she takes her school final on Thursday. Barring major problems, she will be the first of her family to graduate college. I couldn't be prouder. She'll apply to sit for her NCLEX (NC nursing license) and after three years of hard work, ups and downs, she will be an RN.

Yesterday I was talking with her younger son. He asked what an RN was. After I told him "Registered Nurse," he said, "No, Michael. I think it should mean Real Nurse." This is the same child who starts medical questions to his mom as, "As a nurse, [...]."

Another post is forthcoming about the ROCKING day Andy and I had with the boys.

Apr. 26th, 2009

This is 'Nita. She played with other puppies in Houston but they didn't know that she was a "good girl," not a "good boi."

She had fun anyway and gotted treats from pretty boys.

Life is gud.

She also just showed me how to put peekchurs inna post!!!!

Inna post! Inna post! Inna post! (Extra credit if you know the reference).